Ari Benkler-- Question 4/Free Response: Why does Gene feel liberated by Finny's words that Gene would have to "play sports for me?"

When Finny shows indignation at the thought of Gene not participating seriously in a sport, Gene feels forgiven and cleansed from his unforgivable mistake of sending Finny off the edge of the tree branch because he has found a sort of penance, or a way to make it up to Finny: by becoming an outsourced portion of Finny's life. Gene demonstrated on multiple occasions his guilt for his poor decision to permanently harm Finny and prevent him from doing the thing at which he excelled. Gene attempted to convey the depth of his guilt to Finny when he came to visit him at his house in Boston, saying, "I was thinking about you... and the accident." (Knowles 69). In this, he fails miserably. Finny fails to understand Gene's culpability due to Finny's refusal to believe the horrid betrayal that Gene committed, which means that he cannot understand the guilt that Gene feels. Gene then is put in the even worse position from the point of view of his own emotional health of having this guilt inside of him without having anybody understand it or even know why it was occurring. This guilt was all-consuming, following him wherever he went, as evidenced by his reminiscing, "As I had to do whenever I glimpsed this river, I thought of Phineas." (Knowles 75). This quote shows how just as Gene is walking around on a perfectly normal day at Devon memories of Finny are forced upon him. He is unable to exist at the school, memories of which he associates so closely with Finny, that he is constantly reminded of his sin and eaten at all the more for it by his guilt. However, when he hears Finny's voice and how innocent and not suspicious Finny sounds, and the simple joy that Finny expresses at hearing that his room is being held for him, Gene starts to feel better. By the end of the conversation and Finny's declaration that "...if I cant play sports, you're going to play them for me." Gene feels revived, because he has found some simple way that he can, in his own mind, make up the terrible damage he did by being a physically active incarnation of Finny. (Knowles 85). In this feeling of vindication, Gene is thoroughly morally in the wrong. Gene's ability to play sports for Finny is in no way shape or form full recompense for the lifelong damage that he did to Finny by making him fall out of the tree. Gene's moral depravity and total lack of judgement are demonstrated by the fact that he feels liberated by his ability to perform some sort of service having to do with the areas he destroyed for Finny, as opposed to still deeply ashamed at his own inexcusable actions.